True Swiss

As a teenager, I went on exchange to Switzerland. I was amazed at the level of asparagus consumption in that country. My host family had a water pitcher resembling a bundle of asparagus. There was even grafitti about the veggie; on the library door of the college that I attended, someone had written in marker, "Quand j'etais jeune, je n'aimais pas les asperges" (When I was young, I didn't like asparagus).

I suppose it should come as no surprise that Ferris, being of Swiss extraction, has a particular fondness for asparagus. I have yet another reason to be very glad that he has (mostly) overcome his old habit of peeing on people to express his delight at seeing them.

off the mark

Mark Parisi has penned a number of cartoons that have made me laugh out loud. I appreciate his quirky sense of humour.

As requested...

...another quick doggy update. Ferris had the pleasure of a romp in the park with his canine pals Kody and Red on the weekend. While Ferris still seems to be itchier than the average dog, he is significantly better than he used to be. As for little Red, crate training seems to have done the trick. That good news merits a joyful rollover.

You asked for it.

With all the kind comments people have sent regarding the wedding photo I posted earlier, I was beginning to feel guilty for deceiving you all. As penance, I offer these less flattering images.

In this photo it looks like I'm wearing a bustle UNDER my dress. I used to think that my rear end exemplified what the kids nowadays call "junk in the trunk," but now that I have consulted the Urban Dictionary, I realize that in fact I have an "SUV in the pants."

With all of the trouble I had concerning the bodice, I never even noticed that my skirt didn't fit. The more I look at this photo, the more surprised I am that nobody tried to rest a wine glass on my behind during the reception.

The conversation just prior to the taking of the photo below went something like this:

Calamity Jen (to photographer): Aw come on, don't be taking photos of us while we eat. Please?

Photographer: Just pretend I'm not here.

Calamity Jen: That's a little difficult when you're only two feet away.

Photographer: Okay, okay. [Lowers camera]

Calamity Jen: Thanks, I appreciate that. After all, why would anyone want a photo of this? [Feigns eating like a pig]

Camera: Snap!


Not exactly the picture of beauty and grace

Creative uses for babies

You may be familiar with the site stuffonmycat.com. I've checked, and there is no such site as stuffonmybaby.com, however my friends did the following to their child anyway:

I like it. I would start a stuffonmybaby.com site myself, but that might jeopardize my new job in the child welfare field.

The culprit

Some of you may remember my diatribe about being a bridesmaid. Well, here at long last is a photo of the culprit: that blasted bridesmaid dress.

I've got to tell you... seeing that great big smile on the bride's face makes it all worthwhile.

But don't get any ideas, girlfriends. I won't do it again. And if I do, I'm wearing a muumuu.

Lessons learned

I had my final pre-paid pre-test driving lesson this afternoon. My normally punctual instructor, Lino, had called to let me know he was running late because the heavy rain was slowing traffic down. That suited me just fine.

Eventually Lino arrived and we were off. As soon as I started the car I noticed the low-gas indicator was flashing again. I frowned at the blinking indicator and turned toward Lino, who was smirking. I grumbled, "You weren't late because of traffic. You were late because you were driving around in order to show up here with an empty tank." His denial was unconvincing.

"You know what?" he said. "I've got a student who is exactly the opposite of you. He loves the smell of gas, and tar, and rubbing alcohol, too." Better you than me, driving around with that kid, I thought.

After I had filled the tank, I reminded Lino that we had practiced gassing up twice but had not yet covered night driving or driving on gravel. "Those come later," he explained. "The first thirteen modules are geared to get you to pass the test, which you, uh, at this stage, well, you wouldn't, um..."

I made sure to drive on the sidewalk on the way home.

Theme room

Before:

During:

After!

It's done!

Completely overdone!

Over the top!

Can't wait to see Scott's face.

Oooo, he's home! Shhhh, let's tiptoe downstairs to the bathroom and capture his reaction. He looks puzzled.

Or perhaps, dare I say... pleased?

Monkey brains

Bones are good...

..but monkey brains are better.

Waaaaaay better.