Like a bowl full of jelly

I'm jiggly in all the wrong places. I'm a "Before" photograph with no "After." My weight is really getting out of hand. I kid you not when I tell you that I often sense that someone is following me, only to realize that it's my own rear end.

It took years for me to learn to love -- or at least accept -- myself for who I am. But with the recent increase in the amount of me that there is to love, I have come to realize that my continued acceptance might just lead to a heart attack one of these days. I could become the next "Suicide by Fat -- Obesity Revealed" specimen in Dr. Gunther von Hagens' Body Worlds exhibit. That ain't a pretty thought.

Thirty seconds of giggling koala

This is sad but true: Scott and I purchased a giggling koala dog toy and let Ferris have it for about two seconds before deciding that it was too cute to sacrifice to the dogs. It now sits safely out of canine reach.

lolcats

I have created my own "lolcats" for the icanhascheezburger website, but I don't know if they'll ever make it to the voting page. For your viewing pleasure, I will present some of them to you here. Enjoy.

LMAO, as they say

On a lighter note...

...here's the latest Ferris video. My apologies for the lame soundtrack.

Inaction is a dangerous choice

Who hasn't wanted to do this?

Why Scott shouldn't get an Xbox 360

In my humble opinion:

1. He already has a perfectly good Xbox.

2. Xbox 360s are famously troublesome, while Microsoft customer service is completely inept.

3. Planned obsolescence is bad for consumers and the environment.

4. Bill Gates does not need any more of our money.

5. Halo 3 will not solve the world's problems.

Confession

Cher has admitted that she once believed that the presidental images carved into Mount Rushmore were the product of natural erosion. In a similar spirit of confession, as I sit here watching Forrest Gump on TV -- the very scene where Lieutenant Dan Taylor is referring to himself as a useless cripple -- I will admit something to you. The first time I saw Forrest Gump, I was unfamiliar with the actor Gary Sinise. Now, a lot of people are very impressed with the technical manipulation that saw Forrest inserted into famous historical footage. Me, I was struck by the sheer genius of the digital wizard who made it seem like Gary Sinise had legs in his earlier scenes. Yes, that's right, I honestly thought that the actor had no legs. Sadly, I made the mistake of exclaiming this to the people with whom I was watching the movie. I'm sure I'll live that down. Sure I will. Someday.

God Grew Tired of Us

I recently saw a wonderful film called God Grew Tired of Us. It was a moving, respectful look at the journeys of three refugees from war-torn Sudan. The men end up in the United States, via Ethiopia and Kenya, after having walked for five years in search of relief from war, genocide, dehydration and starvation. They lost many friends and family members along the way. It was fascinating to watch their adjustment to the pace and priorities of America. As overwhelming as their new lives were, never did they forget those they left behind in Africa.

One thing about the film that really struck me was that these men, new to modern conveniences such as airplanes and refrigerators, apparently took no time to get their driver's licences. These are men who were concerned that electricity would be too hard to "use." Now they're driving. Then there's me, someone who grew up surrounded by the latest technology. It has been well over a year since I started my quest to become licenced. During tonight's lesson, my new driving instructor shook her head and said to herself, "That's baaaad," several times. I'm getting the feeling I should stick to using simpler pieces of machinery, such as safety scissors.