No quarter

I wish I could digitally capture the facial expression that Scott has whenever I do something stupid. It is a combination of amusement, disbelief and pity. Whether his pity is for me or for himself I do not know. He gave me just such a look recently when we went grocery shopping.

We used to shop at a hoity-toity market with free-range shopping carts. When our pets put us in the poor house, however, we began shopping at the local no-frills grocery store (which is named, fittingly, No Frills). Unlike the chi-chi market, No Frills has instituted a loss-prevention program for its shopping carts. The carts are chained together in drafty shelters in the store parking lot. To release a cart from the chain-gang, one must insert a quarter into a coin slot affixed to the handle.

During the shopping trip in question, when I fished around for a quarter, I found one with a design that I had not seen before. It featured a tall ship, its sails stretched by strong winds, and the dates 1604-2004. Curious, I asked Scott what happened in 1604. He didn't know, either.

We did our grocery shopping, loaded our items in the car and I returned the cart to the shelter. When I locked the cart to the next one in line and withdrew a quarter, I was amazed to see that the coin had the exact same design as the one I had used as a deposit. I excitedly ran back to the car and showed the quarter to Scott, telling him about the unbelievable coincidence. That's when he gave me The Look.

Listen, I'm not mechanically minded. How was I supposed to know that the quarter I put in is always the same one I get back? I don't think about these things. Obviously.

Go, Indy!

Eventually I will go see the new Indiana Jones movie. For now, however, I am enjoying this.

Hawaii vacation DOs and DON'Ts

When vacationing in beautiful Hawaii, DO:

-leave the cruise ship from time to time, as there is far more to do than goof around with the murals on the walls

-splurge on a fruity beverage or twelve

-stop to admire the rainbows

-attend a luau

-go barefoot on at least one beach

-watch the sunrise from the Haleakala crater

-expect to be awed

DON'T:

-panic and flail your limbs when snorkeling with dolphins in their natural habitat (apparently a pod of 150 dolphins will avoid a small group of humans when one of those humans is thrashing about)

-fall down and cut your knee when attempting to get back on the boat between snorkeling attempts, since a) you look foolish and b) saltwater stings

-get tonsillitis (drugs ain't cheap on a cruise ship)

-fall asleep with a cough drop in your mouth, since the drool stain will remain on your pillowcase all week

Learn from my mistake

This is my yard.

This is my yard on dogs.