January 05, 2016
It is now 2016. My blog is like a time capsule; even the links to other blogs lead mostly to sites long abandoned. Of course life has not been standing still; the minutiae of its days are either forgotten or, pointlessly, captured on Facebook.
Some lives have ended since I last posted. I lost two uncles in 2014, unexpected deaths that still pain me greatly. In the photo above, Molly and Trooper are pictured, but they are no longer with us. Ferris, amazingly, is still around, but at ten and a half his days are numbered.
I have been off work for a few months due to vision problems, and my time on the computer is necessarily limited. With weeks and weeks at home on my own, one might think that I had ample opportunity to organize my house and my life. Not so, as domestic issues have left my mind too muddled to allow me to bring order to my physical and mental space.
Motherhood has proven to be tougher than I ever anticipated. After emerging from my post-partum depression a few years ago I thought the worst was over, and perhaps it is, but I am encountering issues with dear Kai that make me regularly question my ability to cope. I will cope, though, for him. That is what moms do.
My age is 42, "the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything," according to the late author Douglas Adams. He was joking, of course; in his mind, the number held no special meaning. I can't say that it holds any meaning for me either, as reaching this age has not brought me any closer to definitive answers. I still struggle with the question, "What should we have for dinner?" It would seem that 42 years have barely brought me closer to adulthood. I fake it well: career, marriage, house, child; all of that belies the immature mess in my brain. Don't believe me? Well you are a poo-poo head.
In conclusion, I think we can all be grateful that I no longer blog. I'm done rambling now. It's time to snuggle with Ferris while I still can.