October 04, 2010


I had hoped to write about my labour and delivery experience and to tell you all about Kai by now, but I have not had the chance to do so. As well, I have not been managing very well emotionally. Eventually I will post about my birth experience and tell you all about Kai as Scott and I get to know him, but right now I want to say thank you.

I would like this post to be well written. Unfortunately, sleep deprivation and baby brain are impairing my ability to form coherent sentences. I doubt that I am capable of fully expressing my gratitude anyway, since my appreciation feels greater than something that can be captured in words.

Many people have been tremendously supportive while I simultaneously grow accustomed to motherhood and battle depression, but this post is dedicated to one person in particular, someone who knows firsthand what I am going through: my mother. My mother looked after me (and the entire household) during my two months of bed rest. She has now taken an unpaid leave of absence from work to aid me in coping with these first weeks with Kai. The practical help she provides includes meal planning, cooking, shopping, washing dishes, walking the dogs, stooping and scooping, sifting litter boxes, laundry, dusting, sweeping, vacuuming and baby care. The emotional support and encouragement that she gives me are invaluable. Since she usually stays over at our house, my mother is subjecting herself to nights of little sleep in order to give me precious hours of slumber. I fear that she is reliving her own post-partum depression to help me get through mine. She does this all without complaining.

As my mother has done all my life, she is demonstrating how to be a mom: loving unconditionally, sacrificing selflessly, being compassionate, sharing wisdom. Kai is lucky to have such an amazing Nana, and I am blessed to have an unbelievably supportive mother.

Thank you, Mom, for standing by me. If I am able to adopt even a fraction of what you have shown me, Kai will be okay.


Zombie Mom said...

Ahhh Honey- sorry you had such a tough end of your pregnancy and now have to battle the black dog of depression while getting your new mom feet under you.

Its tough those first months regardless of PPD- and I am glad you have such a loving mom around to support you.

You are and will continue to be an amazing mom- hang in there and good luck battling the noontime demon. You will feel better.

Anonymous said...

I second that emotion.

amelia said...

Oh Jenni,

I'm so sorry to hear this. It must be an awful thing to suffer like this and there's not much that can be done for you. I say this because I've heard it does pass with time not because I'm an expert! I'm not!! :)
I hope it passes quickly for you and you can all get on with your lives. You beautiful son looks as if he's thriving anyway which is a good thing and I'm sure your mum feels blessed to have this opportunity to be with you and Kai even though it's not under the most desirable circumstances.
I gather from your postings that your hubby is really 'hands on' and that must give you some comfort too.
I could write a whole letter but I'd better shut up now and leave you with love and many good wishes.

Cat said...

I am so sorry to hear you're having a rough time, but very happy to hear you have your mother with you. Take it easy and I am sure things will brighten up soon.

Know we're all out here thinking happy thoughts at you!

ryssee said...

Ditto all the comments above.
How wonderful is it that when we get older and think we can take care of ourselves, we can still find our parents helping us out when we least expect it? Your mom is lovely, by the way, just like you, and Kai looks like he's loving the extra attention. Glad you posted the pic.
Hope you get to feeling back to yourself soon.

Jacquie said...

Hi Calamity Jen,

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with depression. I remember feeling that way myself with all the crazy hormonal changes. However, with post-partum depression things can begin to feel bleak for sure. Hey, you brought out the therapist in me. I wanted to make sure you are getting all the help you can get. I assume you know about Cognitive behavioural therapy which has been shown to be very effective in treating depression along with meds of course. Remember, right now you are seeing things through the lens of the depression and it skews things. CBT helps you get a handle on that and on all those negative thoughts you might be saying to yourself, whatever those may be (examples - I'm a failure, I'm not good enough etc) which just fans the flames of depression. There is a great book highly popular with professionals treating depression called "Mind over Mood". That book contains great ideas to help get a handle on neg. thinking such as the thought record. There is also Burns "Feeling Good, the new mood therapy" and Kabat-Zinn's "The Mindful way through depression". Also for PPD Interpersonal therapy is very effective. As Karen says, do one small thing for yourself everyday eg, wear your favourite colour, take a bubble bath. That helps too. I"m thinking about you lots and I know you will feel better as time goes on. I found the first 6 weeks after giving birth really hard because the baby doesn't really give back. Once Kai starts smiling at you when he sees you peak over the crib, wow, that is the best medicine of all.

Take care


Your Hubby said...

I love you..... oh yah, my son too!

Anonymous said...

Beautiful tribute to your mother, I hope our little one turns out as great as you Jenni.

D, thanks for keeping Jenni under your watchful eye. ;)


pseedie said...

here's all the info you need....1 in 8 women get the baby blues....problem is most write it off to being "overwhelmed". [=


congrats on a healthy baby and a supportive family!!

Rob K said...

This is a beautiful post, Jen. Your mother is a real treasure. I wish all the best for you and your lovely family.

Anonymous said...

Your tribute is way over the top, Hon. Once a mom, always a mom. Couldn't help you without your dad's unwavering and total support. He holds the fort at home, chores, cats and all without a complaint. Got #1 dad there and a great husband, too.
Kai's nanny

Anonymous said...


Heather said...

Hugs to all. And Kisses!

Ian said...

There's a phrase that's in common use at the moment (in a different context, but it still applies): "It Gets Better".

Calamity Jen said...

Thank you, everyone, for your wonderfully supportive comments.