May 05, 2011

Out of order

The subjects of my posts are all out of order these days, which isn't surprising considering the mess my brain has become. First I posted a photo of Kai, then I wrote about his delivery, and now I'll tell you about his conception.

Oh don't worry. I'm not going there, although I am definitely venturing into TMI territory.

Scott told me after only two weeks of dating that he wanted kids. Call me overly cautious, but I like to know a guy for a little while before producing offspring with him. Thankfully Scott didn't mean that he wanted children within the next nine months. Although I was already 30, I needed to take some time to think about it. I took half a decade.

Never having particularly enjoyed the company of children, it was with a sense of reckless abandon that I parted ways with birth control a few years ago. My relationship with Scott was sound enough by this time. My ovaries, apparently, were not so sound. One year passed. Another year passed. Scott and I were giving it the ol' college try. I took my temperature regularly, I kept charts faithfully, I peed on sticks hopefully. Nothing.

I began to accept the notion that we were not going to conceive. My family doctor suggested fertility exploration so nonchalantly that the idea entered my mind as something everyday and ordinary rather than as a huge, life-altering decision. Scott and I thought it was worth a try. Our first appointment led us to ask ourselves if we could trust a specialist -- a supposed fertility expert -- who said "sperms" and "tummy" when discussing pregnancy. We decided to give him a chance.

Scott filled a plastic container with swimmers and took it to a lab. He had little to say about the experience other than to complain about the cost of parking for a two-minute drop-off. I remember very little about my first solo appointment at the fertility clinic aside from the fact that the doctor went on and on about how much better she felt now that she had coffee, as I lay on the examination table with the requisite litre of water in my bladder awaiting a very uncomfortable ultrasound. Several minutes later I considered bitch-slapping her when she poked my chubby belly and remarked that "in cases like this" it was often better if the patient did not drink so much water before the procedure. The experience wasn't all bad. I do recall stifling a chuckle when the evidently new-to-English ultrasound technician pronounced "vagina" the way Borat would. Offensive sound bite:

Scott's lab test revealed that he had "supersperm" (his words, not the lab's). Evidently the problem was with me. Another appointment, another unpleasant and invasive test, and finally it was determined that I had polycystic ovaries. (My ova tended to form very small cysts in the ovary rather than maturing and being released like good little eggs should do.) I agreed to try a medication, although I wasn't thrilled about the possible side-effects. When it began affecting my vision, I stopped taking it. The specialist then prescribed a different medication, one normally used to treat diabetes but also accepted as a treatment for polycystic ovaries. It may or may not have helped. I credit my friend Libby for enlightening me about the true signs of ovulation; she lent me a book that drastically changed the look of my bedside charts. She also gave me a tube of, well, never mind. I won't go into further detail. You're welcome.

At long last, shortly before Christmas of 2009, peeing on a stick resulted in this:

(I didn't know about the brand of pregnancy test that shows a happy face to indicate a positive result, otherwise I would have bought it for kicks.)

I'm really hoping that my mother isn't skimming over this post, seeing the photo above and thinking that Kai is about to have a sibling. Kai is going to remain an only child. I will reserve the tale of my post-partum depression for another post, but suffice it to say that "Out of order" would be an appropriate title for that one, too.

The good news is, Kai is thriving and I'm feeling MUCH better now.


ryssee said...

Supersperm. Wow, I had no idea. That must have made for a fun conversation around the dinner table that evening!

Love the story and the way you told it. Thanks for sharing it, and I'm glad to hear you are feeling much better! As for siblings, well, why mess with perfection when you've gotten it right on the first try. ;)
Kai is totally adorable!

Cat said...

None of my friends would believe me if I told them I was reading these posts of yours. They are not rated G at all, but here I am. ;)

Yay for feeling better and for Kai doing well, too!

Twins in all ways but one - I shall never have children!

Calamity Jen said...

How odd that the two people who left comments are two friends who are very happy to remain childless. I haven't sold you on the idea of kids? Really? lol Just wait until I write about the first few months as a parent. Then you'll really be relieved about your decision not to become moms.

But like I said, I'm feeling MUCH better now.

Anonymous said...

When you were a little girl, everything you did had to be perfect. You obviously haven't changed because Kai is just that.

amelia said...

I just got back from a week in Toronto with my son, his wife and their three kids and I'm beginning to wish I'd remained childless!!
As much as I adore my son and his wife and their kids, for the second time only in my life, I had to pull off the road to sleep on the long drive home! I was so exhausted and sleep deprived and not being a spring chicken any more, I can't take it like I used to!!
I have ten grandchildren and one great grandchild and, as much as I never thought I would, I find myself looking for excuses not to have to get together all the time!!
I'm a bad gramma I know but I think you've made a wise decision. Plus with all you've been through, you might not want to risk going through all that again! Dogs are so much easier!! :)

Tea and Margaritas in My Garden said...

Congratulations Jenn!! It`s been so long since I`ve visited any of my favorite blogs. Left an explanation to your question at mine for you. All the best to you and your beautiful family!


ryssee said...

I love your dad's comment.

Calamity Jen said...

I love all of these comments!

Your husband said...

supersperm it's a real word! and I has them!!!!

Tea said...

Back again and can see by that cute bundle just why! LOL
To answer your question Jenn, I had thought of raised beds, but I wouldn`t have been able to keep up with all the weeding. Pots are not as nice but easier for me to weed LOL