The Five-Second Rule

(Or, as my mother once mis-spoke, the 15-Minute Rule.) Does that rule change depending on the surface onto which one's food has fallen? When I sat down on the bus today I set my lunch bag on the floor between my feet. In the plastic shopping bag was a flat container of leftovers and, perched on top of the container, a shiny Red Delicious apple. During one particularly sharp turn, the apple attempted to break free. It bounced off the container, rolled out of the bag and travelled across the bus, stopping momentarily under the seat opposite mine. Evidently daunted by this sudden freedom, the apple rolled back toward me. I casually scooped it up and placed it back in the bag, as if the apple and I had rehearsed this several times. I wanted to stand up and take a bow, announcing, "The amazing boomerang apple trick! Thank you, thank you ladies and gentlemen. I hope that you enjoyed the show." I didn't. Instead I remained in my seat, my face as red as the apple, and read the minds of my fellow passengers. They were all thinking the same thing: "Is she actually going to eat that?"

I don't know. Will I eat the apple? It is still in the plastic bag, once again secure in its captivity. The entire escape attempt lasted less than five seconds, I'm confident of that, but does the Five-Second Rule become the Two-Second Rule in the case of a dirty bus floor? Does it become the Don't Even THINK About Putting That Near Your Mouth rule once the especially filthy under-seat area is involved? Can any amount of washing fix the damage that has been done? Do I have to resort to peeling? Help me out here, folks. What would you do?