Adding insult to injury

As if Ferris wasn't uncomfortable enough with his all-over rash, his sudden weight loss and his evidently frightening hallucinations. Yes, that's right, Ferris' keg has arrived!

The Scream

Yesterday evening on the way to softball, Scott and I drove past a streetcar stop where two teenaged boys were having an animated conversation. I don't know what possessed him, but Scott turned his head toward the open window and shrieked like a girl as we passed. The instant reaction of the startled teens was to jump forward and hug each other. As we drove off, Scott was laughing so hard that I think I spotted a snot bubble. It was several minutes before he could speak. We amused ourselves by imagining the aftermath: the teens quickly stepping away from one another, brushing the cooties off their sleeves and talking self-consciously in gruff voices about cars and hot babes and sports, an unspoken pact between them to never, ever speak of what had just happened.

The normally mild-mannered Scott

Trash can casualty

After an hour of learning how to park, I'm pretty darned proud of the fact that the only thing I hit was a garbage can.

My instructor, Lino, is puzzled by the technique that I use to turn the steering wheel. I look more like I'm twisting balloon animals than driving. He is even more baffled by my habit of letting go of the wheel while the car is still in motion. In my defense, after three decades of being a passenger, it's easy to forget that I'm the one who is supposed to be driving. Especially since Lino takes care of so much of the braking for me.

I explained that I have very poor motor skills, both fine and gross. Lino thought I meant that I had an actual, diagnosable condition of some sort. No, I told him, I'm just uncoordinated and spastic, in a non-medical sense. When I told him that my nickname is Calamity Jenni, he nervously tried to laugh it off. He ended the lesson early.

Notes to the couple fooling around in their car in the Home Depot parking lot:
a) I didn't choose to circle around you and park in each and every spot adjacent to your car for an entire hour. Lino was unabashedly enjoying what he called "the free show."
b) You may not be aware of this, but your windows aren't tinted.
c) Get a room.

How to tell if you're speeding

I didn't make the news!

I had my first Young Driver's lesson and I didn't crash. I drove on main roads, made left turns, changed lanes and still didn't kill anybody! Hallelujah! I got honked at, made unnecessarily wide turns, failed to stop before turning right on a red, almost rammed Scott's mom's car when I pulled into the driveway... but like I said, nobody died. Any day I fail to make the news is a good day, as far as I'm concerned.

That all being said, I still feel like Toronto would be a safer place if I were restricted to driving one of those ubiquitous red and yellow plastic toy cars.

Kegger

While I don't believe that dogs should wear clothes, I do believe that they should carry their own alcoholic beverages. I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of Ferris' keg and personalized leather collar from Robin Turner.

No Glove, No Love (a.k.a. Noogles)

Just wanted to post a photo of the terrific softball team known as the Noogles. Goooooooooooooooooooo Noogles!

Since you asked...

...I thought I would create a little post about Scott's recovery. Here we have a photo of his back a day or two after the surgery:

Scott is laying on his side, head towards the right. In the centre of the photo you have the incision, which is about an inch long. At the far right you can see a long, red blotchy patch, which is where Nurse Ratched and I tore Scott's skin while removing the original bandage. (That's a story of its own.) You can see the bloody remains of later bandages in the bottom left corner.

Here is Scott's back today. As you can see, he has healed completely and all of the hair has grown back:

No no no no, that's not Scott, that's one of the photos that appears if you Google for "hairy back" images. I couldn't resist. As it happens, I don't have a recent photo of Scott's back, but take my word for it that's he's healing very well (and the hair really has grown back).

Driving lessons

One of Canada's most beautiful and historic cemeteries is Mount Pleasant Cemetery, which was opened in 1876. The cemetery's tree collection is one of North America's finest arboretums. Mount Pleasant is a favourite place for a quiet stroll, with its large flower gardens, birds and small wildlife, and artwork in the form of sculptures and other memorials.

In 1998 the cemetery's Garden of Remembrance was created. It is composed of different theme areas such as the Gateway of Hope, the Pool of Reflection, the Forest of Remembrance and the River of Memories. Also gracing Mount Pleasant Cemetery is the pretty Stone Wall of Holy Crap!, which I very nearly crashed into while learning the finer points of driving yesterday evening. I have to thank Scott for his patience (although his tension was thinly veiled) and for his excellent work with the emergency brake.